Excitement. Self-doubt. Fear. Today is day 1 and I
am going cold turkey. I know the next few days, weeks, month, and year will be
challenging, but if I want to hit my ultimate goal, I need to do this.
No one ever died not having that piece of bread. And
I will not. In fact, I will live longer if I just look the other way.
After my urinalysis at the end of December showed
high levels of sugar in my urine, my mom and sister (both work in the
medical field) urged me to see a doctor. Prediabetes? No. I can’t. I won't have that label.
I do not have a diagnosis, but I do know that if I do not change, I will not live a long life
with my husband. We will not be able to have healthy children and I will turn
into a statistic. I cannot.
I do, do, and do for everyone and everything else. Taking
time for a healthy body is something I do not do. I try, then stop. I find
excuses. I will say, “I’m tired” or “My head hurts.” Bullshit. I am tired and
my head hurts because I eat like crap and I do not exercise. I work two jobs,
am earning my Masters, and I work hard to keep my husband and I afloat—but I
cannot help my own body truly live? Shame on me.
They say you have to hit rock bottom before making a
change. I am hoping I hit it. Well, maybe not today, but definitely Tuesday
when I see my doctor. I will get one of those “change it now, or "die early”
lectures. I deserve it. I have treated this body like shit for many, many
years. It is the only body I have—I have yet to figure out why I have treated
it this way.
I am a pretty awesome human being, therefore I must live longer. I will mess up. I
will fall off the wagon. I will cry. I will be tired, cranky, but in the end, I
will be alive. Once I “detox” from wheat, grains, and sugar, I will notice a
difference.
Wish me luck!
Stephanie
Note: Sharing
this is post is truly upsetting. It is embarrassing. It makes me feel worthless
and weak. I feel shameful and simply gross. BUT, if I do not share it, then it
stays hidden. If I do not face it, it will not change. If I shout it, then I
cannot hide from it. And, don't feel pity for me. I'm okay! I'm on a mission to make healthy babies.
